Alive & kicking (really!!!)

I live with my Mom. That’s it, just me and her….I hear her continually praying and asking God for help in her old age. She doesn’t want to die alone.  I keep asking myself , why is she crying out loud like that, when I am with her? It all boils down to her trusting in God to watch out for her, rather than on people. I get it, but I always wonder, how is that going to translate to my life… because I would be totally alone in my old age. Some times I wonder if suicide is an option, but I know that I am too scared to self destruct. I wonder about the people who commit suicide, generally we like to label them as cowards, but I wonder if its true. I know that I cant commit suicide, because I am too scared to carry it forward. So wouldn’t the suicidal s have an extra bit of courage to get it done???

Just thinking loudly