My life is a constant struggle between the demons that haunt me (trust me, they are more than a handful) and the alter ego that torments me. I guess all of us go through that, but we plaster our faces with the proverbial “I am great, how are you doing?” laconic gesture.
When I used to work in some quarters, I hated the dreaded “How are you doing?” inquiry. For one, my immediate response to that would be “what do you care?” but being part of the so called civilized society, I would give the usual humdrum reply. The reply has to be ” I am doing great!!!”, not “OK” or “Fine” or “getting by”…. because that would be met by an equally rapid fire question to the tune of “what happened?”
I am a human being, I have bad days, I have binge drinking days, I have depressions…. why do I need to keep up with appearances and have to explain myself? but I have to respond, because I have to assimilate with the civilized society. (Remember the line from Star Trek, we are the Borg, you will be assimilated).
Anyways I am digressing (I just had to put it out there). The point is I can be good when my demons are in chains, but I am equally selfish and heartless when I turn them loose. In case you didn’t know, I became a born again christian when I was 12. It was so nice back in those days. I loved reading the bible and praying. The I turned 16 and life changed forever for me. A skin mag there, a harmless look that turned to lust, secrets upon layers of secrets, building a web of lies. Soon I became ashamed of calling myself a christian. I always believed in GOD, but I was ashamed of being a christian. The very thing that was supposed to make me free was holding me back. The guilt did not stop there, I had to have suppressants to mask my guilt. It became a way of life for me.
Now a days, I am more mature (I think), I know that I cannot possible live a sinless life, but I can try to live a blameless life. When I feel torn, all that I can think of is the one prayer Jesus made on the cross “Father forgive them for they know not what they do”. Amid the shame, derision, insults and physical pain that he endured, his prayer was still out of pure love for the humanity and the image of God that was to be our destiny.
I love the band Skillet because they don’t try to proselytize the crowd, instead their songs are veiled and meant for an audience that has ears and can understand the message
Monster reflects the rage, anguish, frustration and undisciplined desire to rebel against GOD, yet it doesn’t rest well with our soul .
Hero is our yearning and willingness to have someone direct our lives. Our desire to be lead willingly.
I consider the next song to be a description of the continuation to the next stage in a christian’s life. Our struggle with sin but our wholehearted embrace of the abounding grace of Christ.
The songs have lyrics, so that you can get a sense of continuity.
May the peace of God be with you. (this coming from a stupid vile beast, because I am no model to quote against for a sampling of your obscure unfaithful christian)