I used to be a person who was never troubled with anger or vengeance. For me forgiveness was always second nature to me. I could never hold a grudge against anyone to a fault. My Dad on the other hand could hold a grudge for as long as he was alive. Although, late into his life, he had a heart for forgiveness.
but now I am in a predicament, because a group of people has hurt me grievously, in a very in humane manner. I have been robbed of the things I loved the most in my life. I am almost often tempted to brood and plot revenge fantasies. Some days I sit alone and cry to myself, but the pain does not go away.
I am not sure how to deal with the hurt and the anger. I wonder if I am suppressing it by not thinking about it or pretending like it never happened. I often console myself to the thought that if I wanted revenge to be exacted on them, then how much more would GOD have to exact his vengeance on me (because I am no saint either). I am partially responsible for the acts that were bestowed on me.
Am I reaping the consequences of my actions, or should I expect GOD to do justice on my behalf… I am not sure… I struggle with it and I pray for the ones who hurt me, but its very, very difficult to be honest about that prayer.