Smoke & Mirrors (Addiction to Depression?)

Smoke & Mirrors : The obscuring or embellishing of the truth of a situation with misleading or irrelevant information.

We justify our addiction by exchanging it with lies. Most often we believe in those lies.  Personally I smoke because it represents freedom; but at the cost of my health, wealth and my soul. But that doesn’t matter because I need to  keep feeding the monster inside.

I have been addicted to many things in my life time; smoking, alcohol, internet though not necessarily in that order. I have dabbled in drugs, but thankfully never got addicted to it because I never got a chance to stick around long enough. We blame ourselves for our addictions. It makes us feel worthless, insecure and suicidal. It comes in different sizes and flavors, each and every one of them lethal to the addict, no matter how silly it might seem (shopping and food seems too trivial to me, but tell that to the shopaholic who is burning a hole through their bank balance or the big fat person who is eating themselves to death).

But there is an addiction that most people haven’t heard of, Its the addiction to
depression, unhappiness & tragedy. A person addicted to depression will exhibit signs of addiction to alcohol or some other substance/behavior. People like that, attending a traditional therapy will go back to their habit of choice, because they are happier when they are alone, scorned & spurned.

I am one of those types (I think). I hate it, but I cant live without depression. I find myself doing things to make me feel depressed. It’s manifested commonly through alcohol, porn, smoking, shopping, gambling, Internet (didn’t think so did you?), games etc. ( intentionally being obscure). If none of that works,  we  do things that are self defeating that will cause us personal humiliation.

I am not sure if I can explain myself very well, but ever since I can remember
( I am talking first grade) I liked to cry myself to sleep (I grew up in boarding
schools most of my life). Depression has defined most of my childhood and I am not willing to let it go, so I am not really seeking a cure for my depression. It’s the only friend I’ve known. Smoking is the least of my worries, Its the tip of the iceberg to a far bigger issue.

You see when people tell me that “Smoking Kills” I say “What makes you think that you will live forever?”.  Its not the best rational, but when you don’t have a cause to fight for, nothing  matters.

If you are interested in knowing more about  “Addiction to Depression” please see the links below.

Are you addicted to unhappiness
Depression Addiction
Is depression an addiction?

“Nothing is impossible; the word itself says, ‘I’m possible!’”

– Audrey Hepburn