What’s the Big Deal About Premarital Sex?


I have had plenty of people say, “Well, what’s wrong with sex outside of marriage?” The answer is the Bible says God invented sex as a way to say to somebody else that I belong completely and exclusively to you. So if you use sex to say something else you really destroy the ability of sex to work because sex is a covenant renewal ceremony.
TIMOTHY KELLER

premarital sex

premarital sex

Why in the world would God want a couple to wait until they’re married before having sex? Could He possibly have good reasons—or is He simply out of touch? Isn’t God a bit Victorian in His sexual approach? Isn’t it time we freshen Him up a bit and help Him be a little more culturally relevant?

Well, not so fast. Let’s think about this for a moment. What could God’s agenda possibly be for having us wait until we’re married to have sex?

First, God desires our marital relationships to have maximum trust. He’s not trying to spoil the fun, nor is He seeking to be a party pooper. He knows how important the trust factor is to marriage. By waiting, a couple is able to establish a foundation of trust. Consider this: If you’re dating a person who is willing to have sex with you, then you’re dating a person who is willing to sleep with an unmarried person. What makes you think when you get married your spouse still won’t be willing to have a little sex outside of marriage?

My wife and I are on the national speaking team for Family-Life. At one of the Weekend to Remember events one of our speakers was approached by a lady who said, “Before my husband and I were married we would have sex. He’d often say, ‘I can’t wait—I can’t wait.’ So we had sex. But now that we are married, he travels a lot and I wonder what will happen if he can’t wait and I’m not there.” See how her trust was fractured as a result of premarital sex? When a couple waits to have sex until they’re married, they’re revealing to each other that they have the self-control that’s necessary to handle their sexual passions. And this creates trust—the necessary ingredient to a healthy marriage.

Second, there would be no such thing as STDs if we just followed God’s plan. God obviously had some wisdom regarding sex outside of marriage. Our way of doing things has resulted in countless deaths through AIDS, and millions of people have suffered the consequences of sexually transmitted diseases. Want to avoid contracting AIDS and all other forms of STDs? Have sex God’s way—in the context of marriage.

Third, premarital sex builds the relationship in reverse order. We are to date the soul and then sex becomes the celebration of our oneness through the marital covenant. We date the soul and marry the body and soul. Premarital sex inserts a false set of emotions into the relationship. And as a result, sexually active couples often think they’re closer to each other than they really are. That’s because sex is powerful. This creates a false sense of compatibility when in reality the couple may be at odds relationally. By dating the soul you can first establish your friendship and evaluate whether you’re compatible for one another. Don’t put the cart before the horse. I’ve met many people who have regretted not waiting, but I’ve never met one couple that regretted waiting.

The wait is worth it.

Now that’s worth pondering!

As we wrap up this question, let me say a word to those who have already had sex outside of marriage—to those perhaps living with regret. I can relate. I was very promiscuous before I gave my life to Christ and even for a season after becoming a believer. Fortunately, my wife and I were able to date for nearly two years before we got married and we did wait. I’m so thankful we did. It really created a deep sense of trust for each other, especially for Heather considering my promiscuous past. She saw that I was able to wait—for her. Needless to say, if you’ve got regrets, know that God is a forgiving God (1 John 1:9). And if you’re in a sexual relationship, make a decision together to wait. You won’t be sorry. I promise.

Thought to Ponder
If you want maximum trust in your marriage it’ll mean submitting your lusts to God and waiting to act out on your sexual passion until the right time—until you say, “I do.”

Memory Verse
A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls (Proverbs 25:28).

One-Minute Apologist Video
Bobby Conway, “What’s the Big Deal About Having Premarital Sex?”

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22 thoughts on “What’s the Big Deal About Premarital Sex?

  1. Excellent! If we had only learned this lesson to begin with. What is sad is that so many Christians are still living together without being married or dating multiple people. We may live in this world but we are not to behave as the world does. What is even sadder is that these same people have no problem condemning others for their sins. Thanks for this lesson.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you for posting this, I just have a couple thoughts I wanted to share. Who gets to determine what marriage is? Is it just a piece of paper? In the bible, many couples were married without a piece of paper, and the marriage ceremonies were simple and primitive. In no way am I justifying redefining the marriage covenant, don’t get me wrong. But still, I know of a few couples who don’t have a piece of paper, but are committed to each other in the covenant of marriage, even though they don’t have a paper to prove it, I would not call them sinners. But, again, I’m certainly not looking to redefine marriage from what God designed it to be.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What happens when the physical side of that covenant is compromised? As men get older their ability to perform may be diminished. Does that mean that their marital commitment is in conflict? There has been recent news flashe announcing that Viagra, Cialis and another ED drug may cause mesothelioma or skin cancer. Many men were popping thses products like they were tic tacs. Is the measure of a man’s love for his wife measured by the number of times he engages in coitus with her? I think not.

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  4. Reblogged this on Annie Who! and commented:

    Premarital being the Keyword, at 66, with 3 marriages behind me and the laws on living as a couple, take marriage and what do you have? A partnership, sharing lives without the price of paper that costs so much money, God would not look unfavourably, were Adam and Eve.married, I think not, ask yourself, when was the first marriage and wo were they, I would love to know!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: My little simple thought

  6. I recently wrote about this issue as well. Sex is all around us even on the brands of food and drinks we consume (Naked Brand drinks..?). Society is constantly putting this message in front of us and the youth of our country. With so many birth control options how can people not be tempted to have premarital sex?
    I invite you to read my article called: Appropriate Sex
    https://loftforum.wordpress.com/

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Really that Ten Commandments RC, say thou shelt not covet thy nebours wife, thou shelt no commit adultery! I was raised by Catholic institute and I’ve always thought it was a commandment but I just checked and it doesn’t say that’s a commandment anyway did you know if you go to mass on the first Friday of every month, you must take Holy Communion, the bible says you will go to heaven, I swear I have lived by that since I was 16 and did just that, so it doesn’t matter anyway, go with your gut, married is out wanting your mates wife is out but that’s what confessions about, you go and confess your evilness and the priest will forgive you in Gods name, we all have a different take on religion, I have mine, I have faith in God, but I don’t live my life around the bible, that ten commandment, well I’ve broke a few, que sera sera! Confession good for the soul and mind, try it it is included itheRC Mass, so you don’t have to be embarrassed anymore, it’s between you and your God. Love your story, great, bought me back to reality again, I am who I am Catholic, can’t change that!💥

    Liked by 1 person

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