Repentance vs. Addiction

Repentance is a loaded word in the world of addiction. Can an addict really repent, if he/she keeps going back to their vomit.  Else where I read the true signs of repentance in an addict

1. Humility
2. Willingness to serve others
3. Responsibility for oneself
4. Attitude of thankfullness
5. Submissive spirit

I truly beleive that I do have all of these qualities, except in my hour of weakness. the bewitching hour that takes over my sanity and makes me insane. I have overcome a few inner demons  and I am still working on the horde that remains.

Can you actually pray to GOD while you are exercising your weakness…or when you are in the thick of it? I am not sure if it’s right, but I have done so many times. Somehow I figured that GOD would overlook my state of being. Truth be said, he has freed me miraculously, under extreme circumstances, when I knew for sure that I was headed down the rabbit hole.

Acts 26:20 declares, “I preached that they should repent and turn to God and prove their repentance by their deeds.” Is this really possible for an addict? How many times can you repent (Is that even repentance?)  before you actually kick the habit?

This idea that if you haven’t completely changed your behavior then you haven’t truly repented, can be damaging to anyone’s faith but is absolutely devastating to the faith of an addict.

So if repentance doesn’t mean to completely change your behavior, what does it mean?

I believe that repentance means that one has to change his heart and want to serve God more than himself.  Even when your life is consumed by addiction, but if you start spending time in prayer and seeking out encouragement from fellow Christians, you are already on your path to recoery. You may not ever completely beat your addiction, but your imperfect devotion to God is no different from anyone else’s imperfect devotion to God.

Imperfect devotion to God is what we all have. Anyone who believes that their devotion is more than imperfect might as well scoff at the cross, because anyone who’s perfect doesn’t have a need for it.

Even as I write this, I struggle with some old, and some new found addictions. If it weren’t for the cross, I would have taken my own life many times over. But with the cross, I have hope till my last breath. Hope that never diminishes, but grows stronger day by day, hour by hour, second by second.

As Stephen Hawkings put it ” As long as there is life, there is hope!!!”