A certain someone in my life makes me feel guilty, somehow I am never good enough. Granted that I am not perfect; but I have to wonder and ask myself – am I that bad? I feel like I cant seem to catch a break… no matter how much I try, it doesn’t feel like I have done enough.
I feel distraught and lost. Like the world would be a better place sans me. I wonder if I am Narc myself. Maybe I am…
While looking up on the net, I came across a piece in an article, that seemed to resonate with my situation. (https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/03/29/narcissists-who-cry-the-other-side-of-the-ego/)
“Another way that the narcissist’s ego gets special attention is through the role of being a victim. Welcome to the victimized extreme narcissist. Most persons recognize ego as arrogance. At the same time they fail to see the subtle deception of ego when it takes the role of a being a victim. As kind and compassion-driven human beings, we easily are fooled by this form of extreme ego. We are constantly hearing the voices of the needy in the media through a variety of forms. The disenfranchised, the poor, the homeless, the hurting, the refugees, the abused, and the list goes on. What we often do not see is that we are many times shamed by these voices for not doing enough for them. All along it is easy to be manipulated as we respond from our hearts. The deception of the ego is that the narcissist can hide behind misfortune and victimization in order to shame you into feeling and believing that they suffer more than you do. They will say that you don’t care enough for them. They will make you feel that you have not done enough to help them. The ego wants attention, control, gain, and power over others by positioning itself as a “poor and helpless” victim. It does this; all the while it soaks up the attention and control over others. In the eyes of an extreme narcissist, their situation is always right and totally justified. Instead of taking responsibility for self and consequences, the extreme narcissist tries to make others feel responsible for their plight. Because extreme narcissists are incredibly adept at the game of manipulation, they will always find a way to turn the tables on you. They will try to make you responsible and feel guilty for not helping them or taking their side and cause.”
The thing is, I don’t know how to help myself or the object of my concern. I am not even sure if I have a good conscience anymore. I have to think twice and constantly doubt myself.
I feel lost and emotionally bereft, like I had fired all the rounds and they were all blanks and I don’t have anymore…
There was a time in my life when I was extremely selfish and did not care for anyone else, because addiction is a terrible thing…
I guess it’s payback now… I just have to bite hard, and wait for the pain to subside.
Awesome post my friend. I just loved it 😊 !! What was your inspiration for this post ?