Narcissists Who Cry

A  certain someone in my life makes me feel guilty, somehow I am never good enough. Granted that I am not perfect; but I have to wonder and ask myself – am I that bad?  I feel like I cant seem to catch a break… no matter how much I try,  it doesn’t feel like I have done enough.

I feel distraught and lost. Like the world would be a better place sans me. I wonder if I am Narc myself. Maybe I am…

While looking up on the net, I came across a piece in an article, that seemed to resonate with my situation. (

Here goes….

“Another way that the narcissist’s ego gets special attention is through the role of being a victim. Welcome to the victimized extreme narcissist. Most persons recognize ego as arrogance. At the same time they fail to see the subtle deception of ego when it takes the role of a being a victim. As kind and compassion-driven human beings, we easily are fooled by this form of extreme ego. We are constantly hearing the voices of the needy in the media through a variety of forms. The disenfranchised, the poor, the homeless, the hurting, the refugees, the abused, and the list goes on. What we often do not see is that we are many times shamed by these voices for not doing enough for them. All along it is easy to be manipulated as we respond from our hearts. The deception of the ego is that the narcissist can hide behind misfortune and victimization in order to shame you into feeling and believing that they suffer more than you do. They will say that you don’t care enough for them. They will make you feel that you have not done enough to help them. The ego wants attention, control, gain, and power over others by positioning itself as a “poor and helpless” victim. It does this; all the while it soaks up the attention and control over others. In the eyes of an extreme narcissist, their situation is always right and totally justified. Instead of taking responsibility for self and consequences, the extreme narcissist tries to make others feel responsible for their plight. Because extreme narcissists are incredibly adept at the game of manipulation, they will always find a way to turn the tables on you. They will try to make you responsible and feel guilty for not helping them or taking their side and cause.”

The thing is, I don’t know how to help myself or the object of my concern. I am not even sure if I have a good conscience anymore. I have to think twice and constantly doubt myself.

word-salad-narcissistsI feel lost and emotionally bereft, like I had fired all the rounds and they were all blanks and I don’t have anymore…

There was a time in my life when I was extremely selfish and did not care for anyone else, because addiction is a terrible thing…

I guess it’s payback now… I just have to bite hard, and wait for the pain to subside.


The day after

Christmas used to be fun when when I was young, but as I grew older, it has lost its magic and allure. For the last couple of years it has been anything but remarkable. One cannot enjoy Christmas with out being surrounded by people, children, family, gifts & fire works.

This Christmas it was just me and my mom taking turns staring at empty walls. I was hoping that I would receive some pics of my kids as a Christmas present, but that was not to be. Never mind the gifts I brought for them without even having a proper address to send to. I eventually got the address of the church that they attend.

I do not know how bachelors survive into their old age. I find it boring and depressing. So I am really not enjoying this phase of my life…. especially because my children are reaching out towards the cusp of adulthood.

Anyway Christmas is overpriced and oversold.  No one enjoys Christmas more that retailers and profiteers.






Some Things Never Change

And David said to his son Solomon, “Be strong and of good courage, and do it; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the LORD God—my God—will be with you.”
1 Chronicles 28:20

As a worldview, postmodernism is skeptical of historical, sweeping, or traditional truth. It says truth is defined by social and historical contexts. Therefore, what was true yesterday may no longer be true today.

Christians can be infected by postmodernism without realizing it. They can become skeptical of the Bible as a source of eternal truth. They can question whether one set of values, morals, and doctrines can be the same for every generation. Moses, when instructing parents about raising their children, took no such view. The instructions contained in God’s covenant were to be permanently incorporated into the lives of families in Israel, generation after generation. Times may change, but God never changes (Malachi 3:6; Hebrews 13:8). God’s Word (1 Peter 1:23) and His will (1 John 2:17) remain the same.

As you prepare your children and grandchildren for living in changing times, make sure they build their lives on what never changes: God’s Word (Isaiah 40:8).

Teach Your Children Diligently

And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children….
Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Deuteronomy 6 is the Bible’s premier passage on parenting. It tells us we should: (1) Love the Lord our God with all our hearts; (2) Study His Word constantly; (3) Teach our children diligently when we sit at home, walk down the street, go to bed at night, and get up in the morning (verses:5-7).

Parenting can be synonymous with mentoring, and parents should provide their youngsters’ first experience with discipleship. Take Abraham Lathem of Pennsylvania, for example. He loved the Bible and could quote most of the New Testament. He taught his son, Lance, to get up every morning to memorize Scripture. Lance became a Chicago pastor who encouraged his teenagers to memorize the book of Romans. One of his students, Bert Long, did so—and later established a tremendous ministry as a missionary physician in Africa.

Our greatest obligation as parents is to share God’s Word naturally with our children every day. When we fill ourselves with Scripture, our children get the overflow, and the effects can be lifelong and eternally lasting.

Trust Him With Your Children

And Jacob their father said to them, “You have bereaved me: Joseph is no more, Simeon is no more, and you want to take Benjamin. All these things are against me.”
Genesis 42:36

Few people worry more than parents. It’s hard to raise children in a culture like ours; most parents have lots of sleepless nights worrying about their kids, whatever their age. Sometimes we worry more about them as young adults than we did when they were schoolchildren or teenagers. Jacob’s sons nearly drove him crazy. When we read the story of Jacob’s twelve sons, we can understand why he told them, “You have bereaved me.” It’s a saga of corruption, rivalry, and even violence.

Yet somehow the sons of Jacob were ultimately resolved in the end. By the end of Genesis, they are reconciled; and by the end of the Bible, their names are on the gates of New Jerusalem (Revelation 21:12).

Parenting is filled with highs and lows. Store up the good moments, the golden moments, to get you through the tough ones. And whatever the moments bring, pray. The prayers of a righteous parent are powerful and effective. Whenever you’re tempted to say, “All these things are against me,” remember Romans 8:28—all these things are working for the good of those who love Him.