Heaven Forbid

True confessions about life
True confessions about life

I have wronged my name
and I feel no shame
I swore myself not to to consume
yet consumption is my bane

For no good reason,
I chose to careen
I am a rabid animal
that deserve s to be maimed

I slipped up  about 2 weeks back. I guess it was the full moon and I added one more day to my list of unaccounted days. I don’t even have a reason for why I did it. I Just did it. I hate myself and I wish I knew what the purpose of my life is. Evidently I am a failure at everything I lay my hands on.

Most people would like to prolong their life as much as possible. I just wish it was over. I feel stone cold, emotionless and guilty. There is a lump in my throat that I cant seem to get rid off. Maybe I am depressed and I probably need some medication, but why bother.  I feel distant from GOD.

The worst part is that I have to plaster a smile on my ace when I walk around. It’s not real, and I feel like a doll, dressed up and ready to go. I don’t have the words to go with that smile, so I am left with the uncomfortable & awkward silence. Even when my kids call on the phone, my heart is morbid, cold and devoid of excitement , from hearing their voice.

I think that one day, I will walk away from everything I have and I will wait for the day to get over and  my pain sedated away.

Why cant I learn from my mistakes?  Why do I keep thinking that this time it will be different.?


One For Sorrow

I am the last
The one who holds on past
Clinging on something we used to have

I am the last
The one who chose this path
To walk among the world of shadows

Always one for sorrow
Never one for love
Two souls destined to failure
Right from the start

It was always one for sorrow
Never one for love
Two souls set for departure
Before the nightfall

And here I stand
Devoid of faith, bereft of hope
Unable to break the walls around me

And here I stand
Shell of a man from past
Condemned to world of resentment

It took two to summon the thunder
One to bring down the rain
Two to torn all asunder
One to suffer the pain

Two to crush dreams and wonders
One to lose everything
All once beautiful and sacred
Nothing but in vain

[Music & lyrics: Friman]

The Giant

Poem of the day
A new poem every day

Falling from my life deep to the sea
Drowning from living to the depths of me
Like the water that burns in my lungs
And the light that slowly fades above me
I’m bleeding rivers and they carried me to the sea
Crushing in this pressure, turning to stone

Roots rip my flesh and fill my skull
As worms dance around my drowning body
Feasting for the one that has gone…
But I’m arriving, closing the door, ocean floor

Seven steps from my cradle
Closer to the end with every breath
What is this hell that was made for living?
I am arriving

The giant has grown too big inside me
Mountains of black stone, a volcano of dirt
When it went wrong? Why am I here now?
But not for long…

Climbing up from this nest of nothingness
My faithful steps behind me
Marking my trail with circles, a path for you all
We’ve been ripped out from the womb
Through blood and pain into this life, and we cry
Ripped out, given, but made to be taken away

I’ve been hiding this giant for too long
And it’s grown like a parasite inside me
Under this shadow I’ve been walking
Now it’s taken over me, and she…
The pure girl, leave me before it’s too late
Or I will cut your wings

For I can’t control this that burns
It flows inside, through my every vein
It fills my fingers and burns my throat
Chains my heart again
Insane pain

I throw myself into this stream
And let it take me down, underground
Here I end, from here I begin
The line is broken like my fragile body

Flesh rots before the giant’s eyes
As he awakes from his silent rest
Rips open my chest, steps out from this crest
Don’t take over me please, leave this lonely man,
Please leave.

-swallow the sun