Beast of Burden


this-was-you
This was you at your best
You, the creature behind the veil
Why do you hide behind the smile?
your guile  & deceit,
the shame of being you
Ruminating and toiling,
The work of your hands-
denigrating the innocents.
Towards what end?
Your scribbles of poetry
on life and death
why does it matter?
who will remember?
your power and your wealth,
silenced by the face of death.
All of your glory,
decrepit and dilapidated
Even the grave,
unleashes the worms on your carcass
your bones, an inconvenience-
to the grave
I stare at the mirror,
I see you-
Bluntly staring back at me.
a scowl etched on your temperament
In the end,
what matters is the shards-
of kindness and love
that perpetuates the essence of your spirit
Not your name, not your children
but the unseen gifts of grace,
that you shared with strangers-
transmuting & transmogrifying
from  generation to generation
Though your name may never be known
and while history will forgive your presence,
your spirit will live on embodied in the culture
of men who were recipients of your love
this-is-you
This is your future

–Prashant Thomas

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Listless…


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When words have lost their power;
Silence, more meaningful than asseveration
Spellbound to the conflicts of the heart
Staring vacantly into the void

Every utterance mulled over,
Petrified of rousing wrath.
Averse to the sarcasm and scrutiny.
Face downcast, ominous desolation

Exasperation spiraling to impotent rage;
Defenses broken
Helplessly witnessing the erosion –
of all things sacred.

This chasm, unbridgeable;
Veil of uncertainty –
drawn to blind the visage.
Scrimmaging to gain the –
moral high ground.

Slipping and sliding headlong
Drowning into an abyss
Past the event horizon
Hope eviscerated.

–Prashant Thomas

Meaning(less)


& depressed
Feeling sad, meaningless & depressed

We stride with purpose
as if we are the overlords
masters of our destiny
we raise our fists to heaven
to establish our dominion

Time looked back
she simpered at the arrogance.
muggles meandering in meaningless circles
scripting inner monologues,
to justify their existence

In this plane of existence
a journey that we call life
like busy bees dancing a strange routine
lies, lust, money, vanity & power
the many faces of illusion

so many things – important things
devices to exaggerate our self-worth
How we miss those?
where withal be our zest
sweet nothings and an iota of fame

soaking ourselves with words,
and actions to cloak our emotions
grandeur & majesty,
failure & insignificance
All means to an end

In the end, who remembers?
the sum and substance of our lives –
a point in an infinite line
plotting a course to extinction
thoughts decamping into the
shadows of a distant past.

-Prashant Thomas

Skirting with death

Feasting with the crows

feeling so down…. miss my kids…

( If you know me personally and  you feel the need to unwind… Please find  another spot… This spot is reserved.)

Steganography


steganography-dns
steganography

Steganography – The practice of concealing a message in a message. Not so hidden 🙂

Morbid, listless & baseless
Enshrined in the regrets of yesterday
Ever sure, logic and reason must remain faceless
This much is sure, coasting to the edge of gray

Must I deign in this filth,
Ejected from the throne room of grace

Insipid of the salt of life,
Near dark tranquility

Hark the caterwaul of the banshee
Embrace the stillness of the night,
Arms wide open
Vegetating to the vacancy of emptiness
Ensnared by the compulsion of subliminal sleep
Near deaths’ grip.

Steganography : Friedman’s photo
Steganography : Friedman’s photo

The individuals facing the camera were the a’s, and the ones looking away the b’s. The message spelled out was “Knowledge is Power.” Or rather, since they were four people short, “Knowledge is Powe” (a decoded version can be found here).

Smoke & Mirrors (Addiction to Depression?)


Addiction to depression, sadness & tragedy
Addiction to Depression

Smoke & Mirrors : The obscuring or embellishing of the truth of a situation with misleading or irrelevant information.

We justify our addiction by exchanging it with lies. Most often we believe in those lies.  Personally I smoke because it represents freedom; but at the cost of my health, wealth and my soul. But that doesn’t matter because I need to  keep feeding the monster inside.

Addiction
The many faces of addiction

I have been addicted to many things in my life time; smoking, alcohol, internet though not necessarily in that order. I have dabbled in drugs, but thankfully never got addicted to it because I never got a chance to stick around long enough. We blame ourselves for our addictions. It makes us feel worthless, insecure and suicidal. It comes in different sizes and flavors, each and every one of them lethal to the addict, no matter how silly it might seem (shopping and food seems too trivial to me, but tell that to the shopaholic who is burning a hole through their bank balance or the big fat person who is eating themselves to death).

But there is an addiction that most people haven’t heard of, Its the addiction to
depression, unhappiness & tragedy. A person addicted to depression will exhibit signs of addiction to alcohol or some other substance/behavior. People like that, attending a traditional therapy will go back to their habit of choice, because they are happier when they are alone, scorned & spurned.

I am one of those types (I think). I hate it, but I cant live without depression. I find myself doing things to make me feel depressed. It’s manifested commonly through alcohol, porn, smoking, shopping, gambling, Internet (didn’t think so did you?), games etc. ( intentionally being obscure). If none of that works,  we  do things that are self defeating that will cause us personal humiliation.

I am not sure if I can explain myself very well, but ever since I can remember
( I am talking first grade) I liked to cry myself to sleep (I grew up in boarding
schools most of my life). Depression has defined most of my childhood and I am not willing to let it go, so I am not really seeking a cure for my depression. It’s the only friend I’ve known. Smoking is the least of my worries, Its the tip of the iceberg to a far bigger issue.

You see when people tell me that “Smoking Kills” I say “What makes you think that you will live forever?”.  Its not the best rational, but when you don’t have a cause to fight for, nothing  matters.

If you are interested in knowing more about  “Addiction to Depression” please see the links below.

Are you addicted to unhappiness
Depression Addiction
Is depression an addiction?

 

addiction, depression, sadness, tragedy
addiction, depression, sadness, tragedy

“Nothing is impossible; the word itself says, ‘I’m possible!’”

– Audrey Hepburn